Grandma

My grandma passed away at the beginning of May.  I miss her dearly and I have really been struggling with her death.  She passed just before her 81st birthday, a few days before Mother's day, and her anniversary, as well as my grandpa's birthday.

I went to visit her two days before she passed and it was hard for me to see her like she was.  She had been put on medication that gave her thrush, which is this rash on the tongue and mouth.  She had these bleeding sores on her lips and tongue, she wasn't making sense and it was just all around a very sad experience.

I have been feeling guilty about not going to see her the day before she died.  So guilty in fact, that I have had many dreams about her sense then.  They mostly occurred this summer and I often woke in tears... not being able to fall back asleep.

Just the other day I was staying at my grandpa's house and I had another dream.  In the dream, my grandma told me not to feel guilty.  I don't know if this was her really speaking to me or what, but I have felt a lot better since then.

I will always miss her and I am sure I will cry over her sometime soon, but for the moment, I am content in the fact that I no longer have to feel guilty and I hope I will remember this as the days go on.